The modern/post-modern/evangelical/skeptic

long post

here is a paper i just wrote on who i am. Its not really in good APA format, but i really dont give a crap. It s for my drawing 1 class, feel free to read it,


Who am I…….

Good Question. Do I have an identity, or am I just another piece of mass floating around in this world, hoping for luck to grant me a wish. I only see myself as a replica of the people and things around me. Do I have an identity, or am I simply flesh trying to pimp myself to the max so that I can score a good looking lady. I work out every day so that I can be healthy and attractive. Why? Good question. Who am I and why do I exist.
A good place to start would be to say that I am a “why not” person. For some reason everyone thinks that they need to have a long list of benefits in order to do something. What is the point of living that way, does everything have to have purpose. Many people don’t understand why I do the things I do, especially my parents (although they have been very supportive). They always wonder why I make some of the decisions I make. For example, in high school I played three sports wrestling, track, and football. I decided that I no longer wanted to play sports; I wanted to race mountain bikes. Therefore I quit all my sports and started racing mountain bikes. Everyone always asked me why I would do such a thing; my answer was always “Why not”. This is very much how I have lived my life up to this point; boxing “why not”, power lifting “why not”, RC cars “why not”, Electronics “why not”, Youth ministry (well there was a little more thought into this one) “why not” and finally minor in Art “why not”.
To say I haven’t had much purpose in my life might be a bit of a lie. The truth is that I love to be around people. During my life time of trying new things, I have meet a bunch of different types of people. The common denominator with all these people is the long to belong. Everyone I have meet has been head over heals into something. The mountain bikers spend all their money and time on bikes, the boxers spend all their time consumed with boxing, and every one is dominated by something. What is it that dominates me; well it’s my love for people. This is why I am not totally sold out for one thing, As long as I’m with people I’m okay. If I am not with people I get depressed. Like right now, I have been doing homework so much that my people interaction is at an all time low, and so is my mood. All day today I have either wanted to cuss someone out or lie on the floor and sob. Why does this happen, I don’t know it’s who I am.
This brings me to my next point of who I am, I am a basket case inside the body of a sane person. It has been my discovery that we are all crazy in our own way, yet we all try to hide who we are inside our image of perfection. I have spent hours upon hours worrying about what people think about me. I buy tons of new clothes and work out non-stop just to fit into a mold of a perfect person. I am defiantly not perfect. If I was tested I’m sure I would be diagnosed with ADHD or ADD. My mind is never silent, it never takes a break. I am always somewhere else in mind when I should be here right now. Here is the list of things I just thought about.

-How do I look
-is the person next to me reading this
-Is my laundry done?
-my thumb hurts
-I’m hungry
-Am I Fat?
-should I eat less tonight
-I wonder where I will be in the future
-what is the name of that song?
-do I have any more homework
-I wonder how homecoming is going to be

And those are only a fraction of the many things swarming around in my mind. In order for me to quiet my mind down I have to play video games. Then my mind goes into a state where little to no thinking is done, I love video games.
Who am I, Good question? These things that I have discussed are a little bit of who I am. I hope to discover who I truly am in the future. And I hope to share this journey with others, and help them if needed. Some call it a search for the meaning of life, I call it ministry.



Trellis

posted by Mike Willis @ 4:28 PM