Stress
I have finally reached that point......
the point in which every college student hates the most.....
The end of procrastination.....
I can feel the stress starting to settle in my shoulders, and its force will weigh me down for the rest of these two weeks.....
I have 24 big tasks to due before i can leave, out of those 24 things is 13 papers...most more than four pages....
I have my fallowing days planned out, so hopefully i can stick to my plan, or i will flounder at the end and not finish off the semester very good...
but im always up for a good challenge...so BRING IT ON COLLEGE...I will not give up..i will not quit...wahoo.
Willis
Twist of Fate
I don't really know what exactly twist of fate means, but the fate of this college studetns for the next school year has been drastically altered. As many of you know i have been fed with with college for th longest time, it is hard for me to sit in a class room and learn about ideas and stuff. Im getting sick of learngin about postmodernism, i woudl much rather learn how i can help my friends who are gettting their girl friends pregnat, depressed, suicidal, alcaholics, you name it and i have a friend who does it or is it. It frustrates me to have to be learning about stupid things like why modern people suck and why postmoder ways will save my friends...humm it makes no sence to me.
anyways...my fate..ok....I was gogin to go intern elswhere, and take a break from college. Thi s was supposed to give me a good break so i could re-collect myself, and charge up for the final lap of college. These plans have since changed. I was looking in the mirior after talking to Dan Ward, and i juist said to myself "just suck it up, and quit complaining." Therfore i registered for classes next semester and im gogin to try to finish, and get the heck out of college. So hopefully i can find the motivation to move on.
Im off to go grill some burgers, so peace out,
mike
Growing Old
Well today i had a bit of a pradigm shift on growign old. As you know from n=my last post I was discussing how sucky it is to grow old and then just die..but maybe there is more...
I was watching the notebook and i realized that their might be more to life than being young and indistructable. Life is more than just conquoring your fears, building and empire, and changing the world....There is more to life than makign money and havign fun..
mayby its about getting old and dying...possibly with another to share in the experience...its the culmination of a life that has been well lived..a celebration of what youv'e done on earth...maybe dying isn't so bad. I can imagine that it will be great to be old with someone who has shared many expeireinces, like children, grandchildren, grief, loss, and victory. I imagine it would be fun to look back on a life filled with happy memories, and then slowly pass..peacfully into the night..leaving behind a generation as proof to what youv'e done.
mike
two points
Yesterday i watched an amazing movie called the never ending story. in the movie a kid reads a story about fantasia, which is being consumed by the great nothing. the great nothing was actually nothing, the world fantasia, which is human fantasys and dreams, was disapering and becomeing nothing. It was a good movie and it reminded me of life.
In life we live between two points, one our birth, and the next our passing. Between these two points we try to leave our mark, but many pass and simply leave nothing. many live and die and no one will every speak of their name again, they are nothing more than a grave stone in some semetary.
durign my run today i was thinking how meaninless life seams to be. In between these two points we have two major paradigm shifts, in the bigining of life we look to the future, ie. "I can't wait to get into high school, or i can't wait to get married or get a job" then during many people mid life we start to look back and look to how things where, "i wish i could be bak in school, i wish i could play on a team, or party with my buds again."
I also saw an older cuple driving on my run and it mad me very sad. I just though, somday that will be me, i can't stop the aging process. All my dreams and problems and all that life has to offer will be done, and soon i will be old. I fear this stage of my life, the stage in which i look back and think about how good everything was, becasue im here now, and its not all that good.
I hear from many that i need to quit living in the moment, and that i need to plan for the future, but i would hate to live the future without a moment to look back on!
mike
Real, True, Life to the Full
Today i was running..well slow jogging and i was sort of talking to-yelling at- slash bargening with God. I was just thining about how so many christians appear to have such a fake sence of and realtionship with God. And I realized that this is the form of christianity i used to have, and i feel that this is mostly due to people blindly fallowing God because there told we have to.
I am finaly understanding what it means to be in realtionship with God, a real relationship with God that is not about going to heaven. This is definatly not new to mostly everyone, this is somethign everyone always talks about. However i could intelectualyl rap my mind around it, and i know what that should look like, well i think i do. However I am findign that through yelling at God, and getting extreamly real with him, that i have actually been starting to get to a place where i might figure some things out. I am discoverign that this real relationship here, now, is much richer than the hopes of a relationship in the future, in some other place. For so long I have been on a search for goodness, and holieness, however i have been searchign in the wrong place. I can't just think then belive and thats that, i must become thirsty, i need to want it so bad that i will do anything to get it. Im not sure i have that yet, but i want it, more than anything on earth.
Im simply tryign to go from a place of being lost in rules and regulations to being lost in a love that will heal the pain i feal every day, and i want to share that love with those around me. That is life to the full.
mike
auction
Today i was auctioned off to the highest bidder. We did a date auction at spring arbor, and my friends and i volunteered to rasie money for realay for life. It was a different type of expereince. You just walk up front and people start shelling out cash. wierd.
As i was watching others go before me i was very nervouse for them. Luckly people bid on them and no one got their feelings hurt. The bids where gogin up to like 20 - 30 bucks it was pretty sweet. Then it was my turn, and i stood up and there was silence....a nice long period of silence. Hmmm man was my self-esteem raising tremendously. it was wierd, but i eventually got bid on up to ten dollars, and my friends went for about the same, which is wierd becasue my friends are all good looking, and the others realy wheren't ah well.
My friend amanda ended up winning the date with me, so my friends and i will be gogin on a "date" it willl be fun. well maybe i should start on one the 7 papers i have due....or maybe not.
mike
