swirling
I have so many things swirlign through my mind right now. Life has taken such a huge turn, and it is no longer comfortable. I feel like im challenging every relationship, in some way or another. I want peace but my search for more understandign is bringing conflict around every corner. I bought a punching bag at good will today, and if i could hang it up rigth now i woudl have a go at it. I am coming to the realization that when you change, everyone else does not, and might not agree, and might protest. Some call it growth, i call it hell. I really wish i could retreat from everything right now, i wish i could join a ferturnity and be a wild crazy college student, who was acpected to do stupid things, and not someone who everyone puts THEIR rules on. "why are you doign that i thought you where gogin to becoem a pastor" man im sick of hearign that. I know its a necesary evil, but i just wish i could live life differently if even for a day. I guess i have to pay now to play later, i just feel that peopel are expecting me to mature over night, and not have a normal early adult, college life. I feel as if im not-allowed to be a normal human, but i ahve to be a super pastor, a bitch of those who tithe, and hold theri positions over others who don't "mesure up"
sorry for making mistakes, sorry for being normal
willis
Whatever
Well i definatly can't share all the stories of whats been going on in my life so i will give a quick update of the positives that have come from all of the crazines over the last couple of weeks.
I still don't know what to think about all this charismatic stuff. I have been seeing some weird thigns, expereinceing waierd thing, soem extreamly believable and others not -so-much. I know at this point i definatly can't say that God doesn't work through the gifts of the spirit anymore...there you go..i confessed..i am now a wierd-o...but i don't really care! I truly do belive that God is still using the gifts like prophecy, healing, deliverances, and possibly tounges and other things of that nature but the verdict is stil out on those. Maybe im wrong!
However will all that stuff aside, I don't really care about those things, the thing that i care about, is that i am actually praying again!! maybe some of the prayers are a little wierd, but others are completly normel..if praying to a God is ever normal!! however my room-mate and i just got done prayign for over an hour...and it went by extreamly quickly...Its always good to have an extended time of prayer, It reminds me of how fast an hour goes at the hub, in the prayer room!!
Is charesmatic stuff real....i don't know..but im praying...and searchign for God..and through many different events in my life i can definatly see him working..Im not sure what my future holds, or in what ways i will chose to worship him, but i do hope that he uses me!
Nate-- I miss you, i can't wait to come home and soke up some more real life knowledge, and not college crap!! I hope the family is doing good, hope ryder and dekota are enjoying basketball, and i hope that sydney is still being the cutest girl ever, and that Jen isn't pullign her hair out having to deal with all of them!! I can't wait to hang out with all of you guys and drew and jamie, the times are always good!
Wally--I miss you aswell, i can't wait to hear moer of your stories, and hear how life is going! Hope shara is doing good with all the college crap! Hope her g-pa is doding good.
Andrew-- thanks for praying with me today, it was sweet. Definatly have to do it more often!! can't wait to get the prayer room actually set up, its gogin to be good!
i think your the only three that read this..wich is cool with me!
peace,
willis
When life is in light speed, i choose to sit!
Everything around me seems to be going at a pace that is impossible to keep up with. When I start to learn something new, wheve already moved on. When i meet a friend im already saying goodbye. When i make a small change in life it seems to push me down a long road. I feel as if i have a rocket strapped to my back and the smallest decisions will lead me spirialing in the wrong dierection. I keep finding myself in situations that I don't want to be in, and places that i don't care to return to. My life is travlign at light speed, and my mind is fragmented into so many different things. I am still wondering who i am, what do i belive, who do i like, who do i love, who can i call friend, who can i trust, what does this mean, why life, why me, why ministry, am i doing the right thing, beleiving the right thing, who am i neglecting, am i wasting my time, am i missing someone in need, is this the right path, do I love me, do they love me, what is love, can i love, how do i love, .
My life is going in light speed, and all i want to do is sit. I want to slow my world down, and just chill. No more noise, no more pain, just sit, relaxe, let it all go. In a world of lightspeed i choose to sit.
hello, goodbye
willis
Social Justice
Here is my beef with social justice....
Don't get me wrong when i say that i have beef with social justice. I am trying to care what is going on in the world, and i am looking for my part in it. The thing that gets me saying "wait a minute" is the way that "all knowing" college studetns go about it. I am sick of the arrogance that goes behind backing a cause that they belive in. Their caus ebecomes the only casue and everyone else is serving the wrong cause. They get so consumed in what they are doing that they become social justice know-it-alls! Everything becomes social justice, and they turn into these mini-hippies, who hold there hippines over everyone. The thing that anoyes me the most is that they will tell me that I need to stop shopping so much "did you know that the money you spent on that scarfe could feed a family of four for three years?" It goes back to when paul talkes about examining the plank your eye before pointing out the speck in someone elses eye. My scarf might have cost 15 bucks, but the i-pod your holding as you scold me is worth way more, or the money that you spend on your instruments, shows, starbucks coffe, and even all your good will crap (even though some does go to hoomeless, you can justifie it however you want), however intell you are giving 100% of your income to social justice don't tell me how to spend my money. I heard someone in the library today say "i would rather give my tith to a town in africa where they can have water, than give it to a church for a new sound board." What an argogant, shity way to look at things! Im sick of people thinking that they know it all, and im sick of their judgments of church. Why don't they join a chuch, show the church the need and partner with the church. Im sure a lot more people in africa could have water if you chanelled efforts through the church..wow i can't belive im even saying this. bottom line, i used to hate church, however now i can see that the strength in numbers can be good...so Mr. know-it-all college studens, TAKE YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASS'S!!!!!!
HELP ME PLEASE
Hey if you read this blog, please give me your blog adress so that i can put it in my side bar, i accidently dealeted all of them, and i have no clue what they are....thanks!
Willis
Dispensationalism
Well Nate and Wally, i figured you are probably the olny to readign this so instead of e-mail i figured i would just respond to your question(Nate) as a post.
first off when i said dispensational upbrining, i in no way meant you guys, i would say that your far from dispensationalists. I guess i was using the term loosly in my last post, when i was describing my upbringing as being dispensational. I guess i shoudl re-word my statment and say that my thought process leaned twards dispensationalism, because of my expereinces through church as a kid and in jr high, and high school. Im not sure if this was anyones fault but my own, Whenever we woudl do something with ministry it just seamed like it was either recomit your life to jesus or give your life to jesus for the first time. It was ll about getting in to heaven and tryign to get a couple of notches on your belt by gettign others to coem with. When we evangelized it was through a turn and bur type senario (this was in early jr high)
Therfore i was pretty much starting to feel like God only worked through plucking the heart strings so that we would pray a certain prayer of salvation and be in, he didn't really do more than that. This was the way i viewed god, it was a tad dispensational, in that i belived that God really didn't do miracles, and if he did it would never hapen, to or through me.
In high school i guess i started to get introduced to some wider veiws of God, and that if you pray for stuff you might actually get more than just spiritual kudos form your bible teacher. However you guys know that i have ha some real problems with doubting if God is even real, and i wasn't even convinced that God coudl even work through prayer. Later on in life, like right after college, i pretty much belived that it was alla waste of time, and every time we would pray i would secretly be thinking nothing is going to happen, althogh i hoped it would. Workign with watermark, i started to open my eyes a little, and i do thank you guys for that.
When i was workign under Dan he taught me a lot about beign in a relationship, and that these relationships wheren't about just getting them to say a prayer.
Nate when we started meeting you ripped me out of the shell i was in a strated me on a new path. Now im just tryign to learn as much about God as i can, now that i think he might actually be real..ya know. so when i said a dispensational up-bringing i gues i meant that i had become a bit dispebsational. because of my up-bringing. Sorry for the confusion, i hope i didn't offend anybody. I am looking forward to coming home in a couple of weeks.
Peace, Willis
college life is nothing more than nose deep in commentaries
These last couple of days i have been spending a whole great deal of my time reading bible commentaries. We will put aside the extreamly boring and daunting task of scripture exegisis, and focus on the comentray. I have been amazed at the amount of detail a commentary has about the smallest verse. Reading the notes in these commentries bring me to the realization that we christians have really screwed up in our interprutations. The passage that i am doign comes out of colossians 2:16-18, and it deals a lot with people judging others for not fallowing the same rituals or laws. Its amaing that through all of the reading that i have been doing, i have pretty much completly tore down the foundation that many christians build their lives on. I shoudl be excited about this, but im in the homework mode, so nothing is exciting. I am looking forward to being done with classes so i can do studies of my own, with comentaries and good stuff like that.
I don't want to be a bible basher, or a know it all, but i don't want to be stupid and iliterate, so im gogin to have to do some study for myself sooner or later!
peace, willis
UV Happiness
I just got back from the tanner...yes..it was awsome!!
Last nigth I attended consuming fire. This has become a weekly thing for me, not by chore, but by choice. Consuming fire, if you can't tell by the name, is the gathering at spring arbor that revolves around spiritual gifts. Usually i would call these people crazy and then tell a series of jokes a thier expense. However its tough to do when the people who are in and runining consuming fire are all your most respected friends. I started to go to give it a chance, to see if it could be real.
What i have discovered is no good, it might be real. If i do discover that my dispensational upbrining isn't as sound as i thought, than my future is in for a bit of change. I will no longer be what some people call, normal. All charesmatic people, are crazy, and weird. If this stuff is true, than i have to find a way to make all of this crap...not crazy..but actualy amazing.
The stuff i have witness, seen, and prayed for myself has been far from normal. However it has done something i wouldn't have expected. It's making faith something real, something tangebil, yet still extreamly untangebal. It breaks from story to truth, from fantasy to raw reality. It is making it impossible to doubt, impossible to live comfortably! Its taking my anger, and turning it into passion! Ive been waiting a long time for some passion, so is it real, im not sure yet.
